i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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