I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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