so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
