I just saw a hot homeless man
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
