I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
