i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
