i just snorted my name. best moment ever
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
