How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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