i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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