oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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