You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My breasts were aching with rage.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
