i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
