She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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