Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
