I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize