I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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