all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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