I wanna passion pit in your ass
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
