i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
