So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
