Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
