do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
