I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
