There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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