do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
