On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
