sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
