Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
