My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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