so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize