Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
