hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
