I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
