you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
