My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
