We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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