I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
