the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
