No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
