Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize