We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
