I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
