Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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