She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
