he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
