Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
