Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
