he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
