i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
