I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
