I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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