i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
