I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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