i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
