he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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