Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
