Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
