Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
