hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
