Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
