Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
