Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize