What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think I just sharted jello shots
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
