Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
