This is not my ceiling
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize